A Body Of Work That Tells The Story Of Self-Actualization Help for Shy Women

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Help for Shy Women

Introduction

In the treatment of anxiety disorders (such as social anxiety), the following methods are often used (in this order): insight, persistence, and action. This approach has several drawbacks: anxious individuals are often less learnable, that is, they have difficulty acquiring new knowledge (such as in understanding their disorders), and anxious individuals often show (psychological) resistance in attempts to demonstrate behavioral changes (avoidance behavior).

Due to these defects, treatment duration is often too long or treatment fails. The following is a different method of treatment, i.e. the above method is used in reverse order and as a result, defects are eliminated to a large extent. The concerned person first receives an assignment (Karma) from the trainer (or therapist) without a fully detailed explanation. If the task succeeds, then less The anxious individual will receive additional education- and work assignments (insight) from the instructor.

This treatment is based mainly on the problem-solving therapy of the American psychiatrist and psychotherapist Milton H. Erikson (the founder of hypnotherapy and hypnotherapy). Erikson explores different ways of dealing with various social problems without analyzing his clients’ past (such as the way they grew up).

Other therapists studied Erikson’s methods and used them in their practice. One of those therapists, Jay Haley (1976), describes in his book several sessions on a family with a young boy who was afraid of dogs. In this session the therapist came up with an extraordinary solution to help this young boy reduce his fear of dogs. The therapist asked this young boy – with the help of his parents – to take home a small dog that he found very fearful and to cure his anxiety. In short, this solution helped this young boy become less afraid of dogs. The following treatment is based on the story of this young boy who was afraid of dogs and was once executed by a man who was afraid of women. This man knew a woman whom he considered very shy and he tried successfully to cure her shyness. He did this by contacting this woman and talking to her about himself. After meeting this woman he later noticed a change in his behavior and his thoughts and feelings.

Following the meeting he noticed some improvement in himself in the past shy woman:

  • more open to others;

  • not afraid of women (he had a two-year friendship with a pretty cute Chinese woman – with a college degree – who also competed in Miss China 2005);

  • able to quarrel (get angry) with others (but ends his friendship with his Chinese girlfriend);

  • able to cope with the end of friendships with others better than before;

  • able to predict the behavior of others and read their non-verbal behavior;

  • improved motorist skills (and later became a qualified driving instructor);

  • improved sports skills (eg swimming);

  • No need for alcohol or drugs to feel good;

  • During intimate conversations with others, he is often “high”;

  • was diagnosed as more or less disabled but later earned a bachelor’s degree in social science;

  • improved brain function (such as memory and thinking);

  • Able to think at a higher level.

Treatment method

A treatment for men who are afraid of women includes:

  1. Karma

  2. Perseverance

  3. Insights (plus possible subsequent assignments)

Karma

The male client follows the instructor’s instructions (orders).

Example:

A male client – who is afraid of women – is instructed to find a woman whom he finds very shy and try to cure his shyness. The male client should be able to heal his shyness by being vulnerable with her (ie talking to her about himself).

Perseverance

The male client continues to perform the task (assignment).

Example:

The male client approaches this shy woman once a week and talks to her about himself. The male client should be vulnerable to her gradually (ie, in small steps), because if he is too quick to be vulnerable to her, it may cause (some) unpleasant surprises (such as anxiety) for him.

Insights (including possible subsequent assignments)

If the male client is successful in curing the female’s shyness (ie, the female is able to be vulnerable to others), the male client will receive additional teaching- and work assignments from the trainer.

Example:

The male client reads books/articles (or copies of books/articles) that the trainer recommends to him, for example:

  • Regarding the development of anxiety/shame, such as author Terry Dixon’s book:

  • on relationships, such as books by author/marital therapist Andrew G. Marshall;

  • About the “Myths of Mars and Venus,” such as the book from authors Deborah Cameron and Cordelia Fine.

The male client also conducts a number of activities to improve his chances of having a healthy and lasting relationship with a woman, such as:

  • emotional control training;

  • communication skills training;

  • going to sports school (to get a healthy body);

  • Learn to cook;

  • learn to dance;

  • Learn to take care of children.

reference

Haley, J. (1976). Problem solving therapy. New strategies for effective family therapy. San Francisco/London: Jossey-Bass, Inc.

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