A Life Story Includes The Notions Of Self-Esteem And Self-Image The Effects of the Father Daughter Relationship on Self Esteem – From First Love to Self Love

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The Effects of the Father Daughter Relationship on Self Esteem – From First Love to Self Love

Can you remember the first boy you fell in love with? Close your eyes and think about that, just for a minute. What was his name? How old were you? Where were you when you first looked into each other’s eyes and held each other’s hands? Remember how it felt to be with him. When you were together, time stood still. Even when you were in a group of friends, you felt special because he was there. The thought of him was exhilarating. You feel alive.

What a wonderful feeling! I will never forget the first boy I fell in love with. It was the summer that I turned thirteen. I was coasting on my skateboard with my friend near him. That’s when I saw him. He was on his bicycle when our paths literally crossed. I don’t know what stopped us all, but we did. It turned out that David didn’t live too far away and he soon developed a habit of cycling down my street, hoping to catch me hanging outside my house or skateboarding around our neighborhood. David was sixteen at the end of that summer. It didn’t bother me that he was more mature than any boy I liked. I was more concerned about how my older brother would handle it, since they were the same age.

Throughout that summer, David and I spent many days together. We talked for hours. He was different from most guys I knew. He was confident and knew how to handle himself around a girl. What stands out most in my mind is the way he made me feel when he put his arms around me. I remember that feeling like it happened yesterday. I was so young and still, so loved. Although David may have been the first son of my love, he was not the first man.

Think about the first person you fell in love with. Remember that first time he held you in his big, strong arms? His kisses were so tender and his touch so gentle. The warmth of his body was so comforting against yours. Sleep comes easy when you feel so safe, so loved. Can you remember? It was a long time ago…

Let me help you out here…you probably can’t remember how you felt because – you were just a child. The first man you loved was none other than your father. Imagine yourself as a child. You came into this world needing warmth, nourishment and human contact. Unless your father was absent until the moment before you left the womb, his arms were the first male arms to wrap around your tiny body. It was your first tactile experience with the opposite sex, and even though you were only a child, you and your father began to bond.

According to Konrad Lorenz’s widely studied attachment theory, attachment is a natural and biological certainty. We know for sure that ducklings, baby monkeys, and human babies are genetically programmed to bond soon after they are born and within the first few days of their lives. And their nurturers (mothers, fathers, caregivers) also become attached to theses children.

Unfortunately, not all children are given the same opportunity to bond with their fathers, as they were physically absent. Being born into the world, never bonding with your father can feel like there’s a void in your life that you’ve been trying to fill ever since.

For a young girl, could the absence of her biological father lead her to subconsciously seek that missing link in other men? Can he develop a healthy relationship when his innate need to bond with her is unfulfilled? Will the strong love from his mother not be enough? The dreaded question that no one knows the answer to for sure.

Yet, evidence supported by research and real-life stories in the 1st edition of “Father Effects: How Your Father Influences Who You Are and Who You Love” indicates that without a father present during these early years, young girls feel abandoned, hurt and rejected. As a result, their self-esteem is low, their self-worth is questionable and their relationship choices are all linked to men like their fathers (to heal wounds) or the very opposite (to avoid repetition at all costs).

Even with the strongest mother figure a man seems to have a deep longing for love, a father figure that they didn’t have in their childhood. Further experiments show that when a father’s presence is negative, a young woman is more likely to seek “love” in the arms of a man, whether he is good for her or not.

The father-daughter experience tells us that the desire to be loved by our fathers is a deep, emotional need rooted in our biological and psychological makeup. We feel connected to our fathers because they co-created us. Shouldn’t they love us and want to be a part of our lives just for this reason? And if they don’t, if they hurt us or leave us, doesn’t it make sense that we personalize it? I know that I felt unloved and insecure when my father left. It took me years to realize it wasn’t about me.

For many women, father’s love is their first love. For others, it was their first disappointment. If your father is unable or unwilling to give you unconditional love, even if he is abusive, all is not lost. You don’t need to feel that your low self-esteem will never improve and that you will never attract a loving partner because of your father’s inadequate parenting skills, poor judgment, and hurtful actions. You have the ability to separate yourself from that experience and know that you are worthy of love.

Your happiness and the success of your relationship depends on only one element; You – You and the power of your mind; It is you and your inner strength that can rise above your darkest moments and sad heartaches.

From this day forward, turn that need for your Father’s love and approval inward and nurture your self. Focus on your positive qualities. Embrace your loving heart. Let go of the past, you have been burdened, saddened and affected for a long time. And once you’re in the process of self-healing and self-love, extend those feelings outward to those who will appreciate it: your children, your friends, and even your favorite charity.

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