A One-And-A-Half-Story House Is Commonly Known As A The Importance of Having A Strong Family Dynamic

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The Importance of Having A Strong Family Dynamic

For the first twelve years of my life I thought someone else was my father and he wasn’t around much. In hindsight he probably put two and two together and realized he wasn’t my father and instead of being cruel and telling me I’m not your father he silently faded out of the picture.

The man who was really my father I knew was my mother’s old boyfriend and they were still friends. He would come from time to time and give me money and take me out to eat and try to have a conversation with me I never thought I would say to myself this guy is really nice.

One day in December of 1982 I don’t know the exact day but it was really close to Christmas, I walked through the back door of my house into the kitchen and found my mother and her ex-boyfriend talking. He said hello smiled at me and my mom told me to go look at my Christmas stocking, I went to my room and found inside my stocking was a crisp hundred dollar bill and a sony walkman. I left my room and came back to the kitchen and hugged her and said thank you.

He looked me straight in the eye and said, “So when did you know I was your father?” I told him I still don’t know that he is my father. He took my hand and took me to my room and we both stood in the mirror and he said don’t we look alike? I told him no he said look. My mother came to the room with us and they both sat next to me and explained me the details till that day.

After talking for a long time she gave me her number and told me to call her anytime. Although it took some time, I finally called. I talked to him from time to time until one day I called and his phone number was disconnected and I didn’t hear from him for about five months which really drove me crazy. Being tackled by a quarterback rushes over me with his feelings and abandon.

On Thanksgiving Day 1983 my father came to my grandmother’s house with his two daughters and introduced them to me and the rest of my family who were at my grandmother’s house for dinner. We all sat around the dining room table and after my uncle blessed the food he looked at my mom and said, “Why does Cleo’s little girl look exactly like Sheronda?” My mom said “Cleo Sherender’s dad” and Cleo said “Boys and women sure can keep secrets, can’t they?” Everyone laughed and started eating, talking and enjoying each other’s company.

When they left my father apologized for being out of touch for five months and said it would never happen again. The following month my father and two sisters came to my grandmother’s house for Christmas. He asked me to get my coat and he took me to his mother’s house. I met his wife, his nine sisters and brothers, and most of their children. I remember feeling like I was on display, they all commented that I looked like her and her youngest daughter Nikki and how beautiful I was. In that moment I felt relaxed and whole.

Over the years I have been able to build a strong and loving relationship with my father and his family. No it wasn’t easy but nothing in life ever is. I reflect on these events in my life because I lost my father on December 16, 2009 and this is the second person I lost who dedicated his life to show me that I am strong and worthy of respect. The first man was my grandfather who was there from my birth until his death on February 8, 1998.

What I am saying is that children need men and women in their lives they can depend on. Men should not be a choice of what you want to be in your children’s lives. Children are a gift from God, not a sweater you can return because you don’t like it. You should take care of your kids before you take care of someone else’s. You shouldn’t decide whether you want to be in your children’s lives based on your relationship with their mother.

If you absolutely can’t get along with the co-parent, your co-parenting children can be asked to facilitate visitation at a neutral party. Remember this should be your last option because if the kids accept the fact that there are no parents to get along with they can easily use this to their advantage.

Women should stop making decisions about whether your child sees their father because you’re mad at them or they’ve wronged you. The only way a man should be denied visitation with their children is if they are a danger to their children, if they are not cheating on you.

If a man has children from a previous relationship, this is a way to gain an insight into whether they would be a good father if you had a child with them. If you do more for their child than they do, that’s a big indication that they’re not a good father (not doing their job as a father should be there to support you in maintaining a relationship with their children). What does it say about a man’s willingness to be a good father if he blames everyone for not spending time with their children?

It’s our mothers, as women we should stand together as a united front remember it’s three sides to every story theirs, yours and the truth. In other words keep your mind open you are only hearing a half story and when you are acting on a half story you are acting on a half truth and it never works. So remember to always keep the best interest of the child in mind and everything else will fall into place.

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