A-Story-That-Will-Convince-You-To-Stop Saying Let Me Know If You Need Anything Are You REALLY Listening? Parallel Conversations

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Are You REALLY Listening? Parallel Conversations

can you hear

Most of us engaged in parallel conversations?

Example:

1st Speaker: I have a dog.

2nd Speaker: I also have a dog.

1st speaker: My dog ​​is a border collie.

2nd speaker: My dog ​​is a shepherd.

1st Speaker: My dog ​​is really smart like his owner.

2nd Speaker: My dog ​​is considered to be the most intelligent breed.

It is a parallel conversation where two people may actually live on separate planets. Information is exchanged without either speaker listening to the other. There is no connection between these conversations.

We are programmed to try to explain “we know how they feel” in almost any situation. While the speaker is speaking, our computer mind searches a file to find a story that matches what the speaker is saying, so we can tell a similar story to the speaker. Then they will know that we know “how they feel”.

Unfortunately, don’t you think we are missing this file search? Those of us who communicate in parallel conversation don’t actually hear when the other person is speaking. We are preparing what we are going to say when the speaker takes a breath. We may even “finish” the speaker’s sentences because we believe we already know what they are going to say and we want our turn to speak.

Sometimes we interrupt the speaker to tell our story.

An example:

1st Speaker: How are you?

2nd Speaker: Oh. I am tired today.

1st Speaker: Tired! You don’t know what you are tired of.

I’m so busy I don’t have time to realize how tired I am.

2nd Speaker: I went to the doctor… and…

1st speaker: (interruption) Yes, I don’t have time to go to the doctor, I’m very busy.

2nd speaker: (sigh). See you later.

We resign ourselves to the fact that the other person is not listening, and we try to distance ourselves from the one-sided conversation that person is having with himself.

Parallel conversations are boring. There is no dialogue, but rather each speaker giving a monologue. Boredom creeps in and takes us like a virus.

Not listening has become so automatic that it kills relationships without you even realizing it.

This is why listening has been described as “the art of hearing”.

Do you want to be an artist?

This is the million dollar question:

What is missing in the parallel conversation?

What’s missing is one of the most vital qualities of a relationship… Curiosity! Albert Einstein said: The important thing is not to stop asking questions… don’t lose holy curiosity.

When we were children, our curiosity was insatiable. We ask “why” about almost everything. Our “whys” were often met with impatience and we heard a resounding “because, or so I said” instead of an answer to our question. Keep your hands to yourself. Don’t touch that. We are socialized to conform and suppress our natural vitality.

So how can we regain our curiosity?

It’s easy but takes time and practice. How can we be willing to learn, relearn, and perhaps more importantly, unlearn the automation of our programming? How can we practice the art of listening by developing curiosity?

What can curiosity do for our lives? Curiosity can foster a sense of vitality and make life an adventure. Curiosity can reveal our natural inquisitiveness about life’s mysteries and inspire us to ask questions.

So how can we really listen? How can we lead curiosity? Are we willing to ask questions? Are we willing to reacquaint ourselves with the curious man’s best friends, what, when, why, who, where and how?

So now, look through the lens of curiosity with our original conversation where curiosity reigns and relationships are nurtured.

1st Speaker: I have a dog.

2nd Speaker: Really? What kind of dog?

1st speaker: My dog ​​is a border collie.

2nd Speaker: It is a great variety. How old is he?

1st Speaker: He is 10 years old.

2nd Speaker: Where does he live, inside or outside?

1st Speaker: Oh, both. He sleeps inside but loves to be outside.

2nd Speaker: When did you get him?

1st Speaker: When he was only 8 weeks old.

2nd Speaker: Why did you choose Border Collies?

1st speaker: He was in an animal shelter and we fell in love with him. We don’t really care about his breed. Do you have any animals?

Can you sense the curiosity, presence and art of listening exemplified by the 2nd speaker? It’s building rapport in conversation rather than demanding self-centered attention.

Are you willing to give the gift of listening to your friends, to your family, to your co-workers, to a server at a restaurant, to acquaintances you meet at the grocery store, to yourself?

When you nurture your curiosity, are you willing to feel more alive than you’ve ever felt? Are you willing to let life be a game? An adventure?

The art of listening is a gift you can give to every person you meet during the holidays. Well, in fact, you can give this gift to everyone, including yourself, every day.

Are you willing?

http://www.karenbethglunz.com

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