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Conflict in Marriage

I have seen many occasions where there can be problems between husband and wife. And both spouses trust someone else outside of the marriage. This has both good and bad consequences.

First, when you share your illness with someone else, all they hear is your side of the story and only your side. Although your feelings about your spouse are valid, they are biased, none the less. Therefore, the advice they give you is only based on your side of the story, and not the parts you accidentally left out, and certainly not the other wives’ side. This can make marriage more complicated.

Second, because you are so loved by your family and friends, they cannot bear to see you suffer. Therefore they will steer you towards what they think is a quick release from your mental torture. They may try to convince themselves and you that since your partner is the problem, you should get rid of him. They might say something like, “You don’t deserve it; why don’t you get out.” They want to see an end to your illness.

Finally, your confidant can only advise you on the extent of their success or failure in their personal relationships. Their advice is based on how they see life. Which may or may not add another bias to your situation.

One thing I want to say about confidents is that whatever decision you make about your relationship, you have to live with that decision. Your friend or family member may be there for you, but you are the only one who will feel the pain.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t discuss your marital problems with someone occasionally. On the contrary, what I’m saying is that in listening to their advice, just remember that a) their opinion is probably a bias, b) it would make them feel better if you weren’t so unhappy, thus making their advice also self-serving c) They can advise you only to the extent of their personal relationship.

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