A-Story-That-Will-Convince-You-To-Stop Saying Let Me Know If You Need Anything How to Save Your Marriage When Your Husband Can’t Or Won’t Change

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How to Save Your Marriage When Your Husband Can’t Or Won’t Change

I recently heard from a wife who was at the end of her rope with her husband. His behavior drove her crazy and she was unhappy. But as strongly as she felt her husband’s faults, she felt strongly that she wanted to save her marriage. The two of them had been together for a long time and even though he hurt her at times, she knew he didn’t want to live without her.

Husband can be distant, cold and irresponsible. He somehow lived in his own little world and expected the wife to just deal with it. The wife felt that she was carrying most of the burden herself. However, when she reminded him of his behavior, he accused her of being rude and got exactly the opposite reaction he wanted. In the past, when the wife threatened to leave, the husband vowed and promised to change. Sometimes, he even made changes that lasted a few weeks or more, but he always reverted to his old patterns.

The wife mistakes it for her husband not loving her enough to truly change once and for all. The husband would argue that his behaviors were just part of who he was and that it hurt him that his wife was constantly trying to pinch him. The wife wants to know if there is any hope for her marriage when she and her husband keep running into the same conflict over and over again.

The crux of the matter was that the wife felt helpless and reactive. He was in a situation where he was dependent on someone else to change their behavior. This can often go very wrong and creates a lot of frustration. However, I felt that there were ways that both people could have gotten more than they did. I will discuss this further in the next article.

You can’t control someone else’s behavior or commitment to change, but you often have more control than you think: Of course, it is clear that the wife will not be able to “make” or “get” her husband to behave the way she wants. Ironically, the wife loved her husband’s happy-go-lucky nature. But now she saw him as a slacker who never grew up and who didn’t respect him enough to try to be a responsible adult who could at least partially meet his emotional needs. Over time, it really started to bother him until he was now to the point where it could be a potential deal breaker for him. The fact that her husband couldn’t commit to trying harder really pissed her off more than anything else.

But, what the wife couldn’t quite accept was that her husband had always been what he was now. However, as life’s responsibilities and commitments begin to demand more of his attention, these personality traits become more problematic. It’s not like the husband is changing who he is. It was then that the wife finally realized that it was very difficult, if not impossible, to change someone else’s roots. And as a result, he felt alone and hopeless.

However, this does not mean that the two of them have to divorce or give up on their marriage. This meant that they had to find a way for the two of them to coexist happily. This may mean that the wife may find alternative means of satisfying some of her emotional needs. It can also mean that the two of them can discuss work that they can both live with and maintain.

In fact, the only person we have complete control over is ourselves. We can control our own thoughts, behavior and actions, but it’s unrealistic to think we can completely control someone else’s, and trying to do so will often annoy them and may mean you get more of the behavior you want. Don’t Want Recognizing that when you focus on yourself you probably get more than you want is usually the first step to changing this cycle.

Positive reinforcement will get you much further than focusing and dwelling on the negative: I haven’t had a dialogue with the husband in this situation, but I suspect I can guess what he said. I have talked to many men in this situation and most will tell me that it makes them feel rejected when their wives deal with this “change business”. It’s almost as if their wife is telling them she doesn’t like who they are. This can contribute to them withdrawing, avoiding the topic, or even retaliating. This is not the cycle you probably want to find yourself in.

You will often get better results if you commit to two. The first may be to control and focus on your own actions and behavior. This often means that you are taking on more responsibility and are slightly behind them. This makes you feel more in control of the situation, and it will often get their attention more than any words you can say. A second commitment might be to focus on what they are doing right rather than what they are doing wrong. (And finally, positive reinforcement often helps you with unwanted behavior as well.) Yes, it was extremely annoying that this husband was not as serious as the wife might have liked, but they were other people in her life who could meet this need.

There were other areas where the husband excelled and the wife should focus on these things before emphasizing what she did not like. Doing this will probably bring about some positive changes in the husband as he will see that he is trying to change himself and he will see that he notices the good and the bad things.

I often tell people to save their marriages with those big issues that always close up and cause trouble on the table. I know this sounds backwards to me, but I strongly disagree. This is because often, we keep repeating the same topics so much that no one is listening anymore. And, resentment and disconnection can often become a bigger problem than the original.

So, often if you can restore connection and empathy, you can refocus on bigger issues with better results because you’ll have two people invested in the outcome instead of just one.

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