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If I Pretend To Be OK Or Even Happy About The Separation, Will My Spouse Come Back?

After you’ve tried almost every simple trick to stop your husband from divorcing, it’s natural to consider tricks that aren’t so straightforward. People often use reverse psychology to consider changing their spouse. An example is pretending to be happy about a divorce when you really are anything but.

You may hear a wife say: “My husband is probably months away from finalizing our divorce. He knows I don’t want a divorce. He claims he feels terrible about our family breaking up but says he sees no other way.” No. He has agreed to go to counseling to help our children deal with the divorce. I hoped the counselor would be able to show him that divorce should be the last option. But so far, it’s not working. He seems determined to move on. .I’ve tried to talk to him.I’ve tried to plead with him not to do it.I’ve tried to promise him the changes I know he wants.None of it makes any difference to him.He says no matter what I do. Why, he makes up his mind. Since it doesn’t seem any different to him being devastated by the divorce, I’ve considered using reverse psychology and pretending. To be happy, will it work? If I pretend to be happy about all this, what will he do? You want to divorce me?”

This is a very common question and many wives try it. I can’t tell you that it doesn’t work because I’ve used a variation on it that has worked. However, I stopped pretending to be happy about our breakup. My husband would never believe it. I knew I couldn’t pull it off. (And many wives who try it tell me their husbands don’t believe them.)

Instead, I went to live with family in another city. I guess you could say I’m resigned to my husband moving on. I didn’t pretend to be happy about it but it was clear that I was backing down and not trying to fight him anymore. And it actually gives him pause. I believe he was shocked by this and it disarmed him to a certain extent. And this break gave me a chance to try a few different things that ended up working.

But I don’t think this alone saved my marriage. I think it was the work I did after the break that made the difference. I believe that in some cases supporting all opposition can give your husband pause and pause. Some will take it further and pretend they are happy about the divorce.

They will tell their husband that they suddenly realized that divorce is really the best thing for all parties and he will try to convince him that he is now excited for the opportunity to meet new people and to live his life without everything. Many in the drama hope that this will make their husband uncomfortable and jealous, which will show him that he still cares for his wife and perhaps doesn’t want a divorce.

I understand the thinking behind it, but it’s not without risk. It may backfire. Your husband may be relieved that you are happy now. Or, he may be a little distant and withdraw himself even more. Or, he might resent one day that you were actually happy about it. That’s why I believe the safer bet is to resign and accept rather than be happy. I know that may sound like a small difference. But I believe it is an important one.

Because when you go back, it’s still clear that you love your husband and want to save your marriage. So instead of pretending to be happy, you say something like: “I wish I could change your mind, but it’s very clear that you’re determined to move on. I’m not going to press you on this because it’s clear that my efforts didn’t work. So , I am going to start living my own life and work on myself. I am as happy as I can be in this situation because I have to think about myself and our children. I hope that we can have a good and continuing relationship for them. . And I wish you nothing but good going forward. I hope you feel the same way. And who knows what tomorrow brings? But for now I have to step back.”

Do you see the difference? It might still give you the break you’re looking for, but you’re not lying and you’re not trying to sell something that’s such a big stretch. Also, your husband is unlikely to be angry or distant because you still maintain your integrity and your feelings about this are more understandable than claiming to change your mind so dramatically that you are actually happy.

Of course, every wedding is different. I can’t tell you which strategy works best, but I always feel more comfortable to stop pretending to be happy. I knew I couldn’t sell it. My husband knew that I would never be happy with the end of my marriage.

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