A-Story-That-Will-Convince-You-To-Stop Saying Let Me Know If You Need Anything My Husband Says It’s Too Late For Us – Is It?

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My Husband Says It’s Too Late For Us – Is It?

It’s not uncommon for me to hear from wives who are told it’s “too late” to save their marriage. Often, their husbands have decided that the marriage is over and time has passed to save it. But the wives I interact with rarely agree with this. They often tell me it’s not over for them. And they don’t believe it’s too late. I often hear comments like: “So he gets to decide if it’s over and if it’s too late? I don’t have a say in that?” Or “He says it’s too late for us, but I don’t believe it is. If he’d really tried and not given up, I believe we could have done it.”

It is really a very depressing situation. It can feel quite annoying when you know in your heart that something is true when you can’t convince him about the same. But, he has a point and apparently believes it’s over and too late. So where does this leave you? Well, while you can’t force someone to change their mind, you can set up the circumstances so that this change can happen. I will discuss this further in the next article.

If my husband says that it is too late for our marriage, should I accept it?: This is one of the most common questions I get asked. No one wants to accept something they themselves did not choose or believe in. With that said though, it’s important to understand that you can’t force someone to change their mind and hope for a positive long-term resolution. This will often cause irritation and additional problems.

And, the last bass effort that may seem necessary and the sound can often be counterintuitive. Arguing, trying to make him feel guilty, pleading or playing games based on negative emotions often throws more negativity onto an already negative situation. You should always be very aware of how your husband is perceiving the situation. If he only sees more of the same or, worse, fake changes, he’s unlikely to change his mind.

And what’s more, often when he sees that you’re trying to change his mind, he can become even more determined not to change it so he actually believes his position even more. While I believe that you don’t have to blindly accept that it’s too late for your marriage, I also think that sometimes it’s wise not to try to do everything at once.

Some wives will accept nothing less than their husbands declaring that tomorrow is not too late. And while that would be great, it’s not always realistic, and if you push for it too soon, you’ll often risk making things worse and making your job more difficult.

Changing his perception so that he begins to think that it is really too late?: I have fairly regular conversations with men in these situations. Many of them have the perception that nothing else can be done because they feel that they have tried everything and yet nothing has changed significantly to make a real difference. Sure, there may be some short-term changes, but somehow, you always seem to go back to old patterns and behaviors.

And at some point, many of these husbands realize that they don’t want to live like this for the rest of their lives. They hear you recommend counseling or working on your problem, but the thing is, they don’t believe any of it is working. So, you often have to show them instead of telling them that real change can happen without both of you making huge concessions that aren’t so attractive.

Sometimes, I tell wives that instead of focusing so much on whether it’s too late or if she thinks time is up, focus on how she perceives you and the marriage. Instead of pushing him to meet his deadlines, you can make small improvements over time.

When is it really too late for your wedding?: This, of course, is the central question and the answer is going to be different for every couple. People often tell me that it feels like it’s really over because he’s getting ready to move out or file for divorce. Or, they tell me that one spouse is so angry with the other. None of these things are necessary means it’s too late in my opinion. I believe that as long as there are feelings (even if they are reading negative right now) there is always change to turn things around.

I’ve seen couples who have almost or actually divorced decide they still have time. To me, the biggest indicator that it’s really over is the apathy of both. In other words, they are both at a point where there is no anger, hostility, or turmoil because both people are clearly able to see that despite their best efforts, they just can’t make it work.

This is rarely the scenario that I’m asked about though. Usually, the wife is still very invested in your marriage and saving it. And in my opinion, as long as a person is still invested and willing to try something to change the ideas I talked about, there is always a chance.

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