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My Separated Husband Keeps Coming Around But He Is Reluctant To Come Home. Why?

Many wives feel very excited when an estranged husband starts visiting. After all, many of us know wives whose estranged husbands rarely, if ever, call or keep in touch—much less in person. Most of the time, we try to tell ourselves that starting his visits is hopefully the first step toward him wanting to come home full time.

So when it doesn’t happen, we can get very frustrated and disappointed. And we can wonder if he is playing games. I may have heard a wife say: “I was thrilled when my husband first started coming home. I thought after a week or two of this trip, he’d ask if he could go back. And I was ready to say yes. I’m back.” Couldn’t wait to get started. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. He’s coming home just fine, but after the visit he’ll get in his car and leave. I haven’t confronted him about it yet because I don’t want to stop the visit. But now I’m starting to worry. I do. What if he has no desire to return home? Why would he continue to see me (and sometimes have sex with me) and stop not wanting to? Return home?”

There are a few possible reasons I can think of, but of course it can only be speculation as only the husband knows what she is thinking. I will list some possibilities below. And, you can see if it rings as a possibility for you.

He is leaning towards Coming Home. But he’s still not sure and he wants to make sure he’s not moving too fast: So often, spouses who don’t want a divorce in the first place are willing to take their spouse back even if they don’t work through their issues. Either way they’ll get him back. They are not necessarily very forward thinking. They don’t think about what will happen when he comes home and all the problems start to surface again.

But that doesn’t mean your husband isn’t thinking about these things. He might want to come home. But he’s stopping himself short because he wants to set you up for long-term success. So with each visit, she is watching and evaluating how things are going. And, frankly, I doubt he thinks things are going well because he’s coming back, right? If something discourages him, he may turn back from his visit.

Assessed if its purpose is not honorable: I will admit that some wives in this situation worry that their husbands are only coming home for sex or ego boosts and have no real intention of coming home for good for the union. I understand the concern, but you have to evaluate it because I can’t see what’s going on first hand and you know your husband better than anyone else.

It makes sense to ask yourself if he only seems interested in sex and then quickly leaves. Or does he care and act beyond it and sometimes not follow through on it? In other words, does he seem more interested in connecting or communicating with you beyond physical contact? Does he call and engage when it is clear that no contact can be made at that moment? If he calls you to see how you are without expecting anything in return, and he seems to genuinely care beyond his visits, that’s telling.

But if sex worries you or makes you feel taken advantage of, you can certainly have a gentle word, making it clear that you’re not bringing it up because you want to stop visiting. You only want to visit for the right reasons.

Most of the time, I find it very encouraging when an estranged spouse visits regularly, and I always encourage people to continue those visits. It’s important to make sure they go well so they keep repeating and they become stepping stones to rebuilding and saving your marriage.

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