A-Story-That-Will-Convince-You-To-Stop Saying Let Me Know If You Need Anything One Way to Get Past Many Fears

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One Way to Get Past Many Fears

Maybe you’ve been in this uncomfortable place: you need to do something or know what you should do, or have a choice to make, but you hesitate or resist outright because you’re afraid. Perhaps, the primary thing you are afraid of is fear. We resist feeling fear because we believe it is wrong to feel that way; That if we feel that way, then there must be something wrong or lacking in us. And if there is something wrong or lacking in us, we are bound to make a mess; So we’d rather avoid the topic altogether than address the cause of the fearful or anxious feeling.

It also involves many other fears: being embarrassed, thought less of, or humiliated (including being scared, although everyone is scared sometimes). Who would want to volunteer for an experience like this?! We can also be afraid of the consequences, or what we might need or what will happen after we make a choice.

The ones listed here, or any similar concerns you can think of, that seem (in our ego-view) to be pretty good reasons to avoid any or all action, including making choices, so that the thing or things we want to happen. Avoid what we fear may be, or may prove to be “truths” about us, or feelings that are unwanted. But, then a whole other set of thoughts and feelings result from avoidance, right? And these can feel worse than we initially feared.

What can you do about this? You can have this conversation with yourself: “Even though I feel fear or anxiety about this, is there something or someone involved that I really or deeply care about, including my well-being? If my answer is yes, is the care stronger than the fear?”

We get caught up or blocked by the scary side and miss the important side of caring. A strong level of care is a strong motivator. Care more than fear creates different feelings in you, strengthening feelings or, at least, purpose and commitment. These two questions can help you identify your level of care or investment, or identify what is and isn’t a good fit for you.

If or when you find that there is something or someone you care about more than you fear about a particular issue, including your care, it will be easier for you to find the right course of action (or next course of action) and take it. You can only imagine being in fear-mode. It’s even possible that if your level of care is deep enough nothing will stop you from taking the right action, not even fear.

When you care enough about something or someone, including yourself, you’ll find that you won’t feel good about yourself until you take the right action, no matter what else happens. Theodore Roosevelt said: “At any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” However, those who practice spirituality or metaphysics will suggest that there are times when it is better to do nothing until you are clear about what you should do or choose. And, you can always do something on the inner level.

When you identify with something you really care about—a person, yourself, or a specific issue—you do what you have to do. You find the will and the way. And if you feel nervous or anxious, you do it anyway. You can do something that scares you and let go of most or all of your fear of doing it whenever the real or potentially greater needs of others (or your needs) are put before your own. Notice I did not say to put the needs of others before your own, but to avoid fear or anxiety before your own.

This Q&A with yourself is intended to reveal head and heart alignment about your level of care as a result of the question, not to convince yourself that you should do something you’re not aligned with. You will not serve anyone if your choice or chosen action invalidates or frustrates you in any tangible way; And only you can know this about yourself.

Decades ago, I went to a monthly meeting that was held in a fair-sized room, though the attendance was usually 10 to 15 people. I walked in and saw about 100 chairs in a semi circle with 3 chairs behind a table. The 100 chairs were filling up fast, and I wondered what was going on. The director came up to me and said, “Thank you for being here. I have planned a panel of 3 people today, and one of them can’t make it. Would you please take his place?” There were about two minutes to go. I didn’t have time to make any kind of real preparation. But he needed a third person and believed that my perspective would contribute to his dialogues as he hoped.

It was an adoption triad meeting, meaning participants included anyone in a relationship with an adoptee, was an adoptee, was adopted, or was a birth parent or birth family member. At the time I was married to an adoptee who decided to search, or because of her fear asked me to search. The director asked me to talk about it.

I sat at the table and looked around the room. The realization that at least one person out there probably needed to hear what I had to say took most of my fear out of the picture. I will talk about what I know based on my experience and hope it helps someone.

Two other speakers preceded me, and they each received a question or two from the audience. Then it was my turn; And without any notes to help me, what I felt was relevant parts of my story that they might appreciate hearing. I have received many questions; And after the meeting, one person said as if I had repeated her story, that I had expressed how she felt as an adoptee.

I could have let my fear outweigh my care that day and turned down the director’s request to be on the panel, because the thought of public speaking made me nervous, not to mention my worry that they would like what I said or what I said. no To do it a bad job. Caring before fear allows me to contribute something of value and make a difference for others.

In how many ways could you make positive changes in your personal, professional, or professional life if care outweighed fear? What kind of difference can you feel on an inner level because of this? How can you be different about yourself? How could your life be different?

Sometimes care vs. fear involves others, but it always involves you. You are the constant in your life and experiences. The next time you are faced with a task or choice that you feel anxious or fearful about, ask yourself if there is something or someone involved, including you, that makes the caring aspect stronger than the fear aspect. If there is, or if there isn’t, let it spur you on to right choices and right actions, and always in ways that are valid and appropriate for you. This is a good practice, which you will appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Schaefer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my full bio with it.

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