A-Story-That-Will-Convince-You-To-Stop Saying Let Me Know If You Need Anything What to Do If Your Spouse Wants to Move Out

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What to Do If Your Spouse Wants to Move Out

I get a lot of emails from people who are panicking that their spouse is leaving (or wants to). Other than actually being served with the divorce papers, this is the scene that strikes fear into your heart the most. It’s completely understandable to think that their moving out is the beginning of the end of a marriage. And, it’s natural to think that once your spouse is gone, you’ll no longer have access to them to work, or they’ll start seeing other people, or worse, they’ll actually prefer to be alone. .

Many of those who write to me want a concrete plan to keep their wives at home. There are several things that can work, but they often don’t feel intuitive and require trust, confidence, and calm composure. But, they often work if you can pull them off correctly. I’ll describe them in the following article (and also tell you tricks and tactics to avoid because they simply don’t work and only push your wife further away.)

What not to do when you’re trying to convince your spouse not to move out: Before I tell you the things you must do, I first want to cover the things you shouldn’t do The problem with these little mistakes is that they seem like the right thing at the time. Emotions run high and you feel like you must have a resolution now. And, so often you act first and think later. It is so important that you get control of this cycle because it will make you do things that not only will you regret, but it is also very common that your wife will continue to limit her access to you because of this behavior. So don’t give ultimatums. Don’t tell your spouse that they are wrong or wrong. Don’t try to make them feel guilty or sorry for you. Don’t use or threaten your children as bargaining chips. In short, don’t engage in any behavior that is going to paint you in such a flattering light.

Obviously, if you want to save your marriage, your wife needs to change her opinion of you from negative to positive. And negative emotions or actions are only going to swing you into negative territory. So, change course and focus only on positive behaviors that will make her spend more time with you, not less.

Agreeing and offering an alternative to moving (your spouse can get their place without actually leaving): The first thing you need to do is verify your spouse. The worst mistake you can make is to imply or flat out say that they are wrong or that they are misinterpreting the situation. This puts you on the opposite side, which is definitely not where you want to be. So, you have to agree that the marriage is not going well, is flawed and needs radical change for both of you. Agree that you both deserve happiness and fulfillment. Agree that a break can put things into perspective and give you the distance you need. However, suggest that the distance takes place without your partner actually going out.

Options are suggesting that he stays with friends or family for a while, that he bunks in another room in your house, or that you isolate yourself for a short time (and possibly stay with friends). I realize that none of these options may seem appealing in the moment, but they work because you’re offering to help her get what she wants, but you’re preventing her from actually moving. Of course, when he takes it to you, you must fulfill your promise to give him his place. Don’t cross the line and bombard him with pleas to save the marriage or resolve things immediately. Sometimes, distance and time is actually a good thing because it eases the tension, puts things in perspective, and gives him time to miss you.

Putting your best foot forward during the break: Whether he moves or not, you have to make some changes in how you are perceived. Obviously, if he wants to move on, he sees you in a negative rather than a positive light right now. You need to change it as soon as you can. The whole idea here is for him to realize that his perception and his reaction are completely wrong.

So, you need to take an honest look at the qualities she likes most about you and make sure she knows you still have them. If she likes your sense of humor, you need to expand it now. If intimacy goes astray, you need to show her that you still value, understand and appreciate her. He needs to be able to see that two people who are in love are still players in this game, that he doesn’t have to go it alone, and that he’s better off with you than he is without you.

I know this can seem like a tall order when you are so far away or when he is no longer accessible. But, understand that there will come a time when the two of you interact, and when that happens, you want to come across as light-hearted, happy, engaged, open, and confident. You’re showing her a woman who wants to save her marriage, but who has enough self-worth to continue doing things that make her happier and better. Of course, this includes him and you’re doing your best to bring him back into the loop, but you’re not exhibiting negative behavior and you’re not playing games to manipulate him, just so you can go back to broken things that both of you are unhappy with. No, you’re taking the high road and handling yourself with grace, and you’re confident that the separate space will let her see that she misses these things and you.

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