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New Book Shares Mother’s Journey of Love and Loss

Patricia Fitzmaurice’s new book The Blue Camaro is a memoir of raising, loving and ultimately losing her son. In 2013, his son John Fitzmaurice, Jr. took his own life. Now eighty years old, Patricia is fulfilling her promise to her son to tell her story so others can understand what it’s like to lose a child to suicide and what her journey must have been that led her to that decision.

Blue Camaro offers no easy answers because there aren’t any. To this day, Patricia still wonders why her son killed himself. He documents John’s childhood in this book, including the family’s many moves from Pennsylvania to Connecticut to Florida, the birth of his sister, his love for his dog, his difficulty making friends, his entrepreneurial endeavors from an early age. age, and how he saved up to buy his first car: a blue Camaro.

The title of the book reflects that John had the happiest time in his life. His new car was a prized possession for him as a young man and it made him popular. For the first time, John seemed genuinely happy. If only things could stay this way.

But John grew up, married and divorced. He raised two daughters, but he was always lost. At times his relationship with his mother was distant. Patricia couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t let her in. He even had to wait a year to meet his first grandchild. He tried his best to love and support her without pushing her or indulging in her personal affairs. At times, Patricia had to help John financially, giving him a place to stay. At other times, she rejoiced when he seemed prosperous and happy.

In addition to telling John’s story, Patricia shares her heartache when she lost John. He continues to struggle to understand how he could have brought himself to the point of self-destruction, and should have been so unhappy that he had to find a way out. He offers the reader poignant words about moving on after the tragedy, admitting that even now, the pain is still there for him and will never fully go away.

The Blue Camaro concludes with an interview with the author. John’s three sisters also share memories of their beloved brother and will always be missed.

Anyone who has lost a child – especially to suicide – will find a kindred spirit in Patricia. Like I said, you may not find the answers in this book, but knowing that someone else understands what you’re going through will give you a sense of solidarity. In Patricia’s courage to carry on after the loss of her son and willingness to talk about what suicide does to a family, you can find comfort, strength and even purpose.

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