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In Pursuit Of Happiness
A curious thing can happen when we discover a sudden change in personal circumstances such as a life-threatening experience or a sudden and dramatic change in lifestyle forced by physical or economic circumstances. Some of these people who, be they relatives, friends, neighbors or people we hear about in the media, may be living together, in an ongoing state of conflict and anger on virtually every issue surrounding their lives, suddenly undergo dramatic changes in their consciousness. What had become a constant conflict or a relationship of anger that had choked their love and happiness for years disappeared, their differences faded and faded into insignificance, and their love for each other, or life itself, re-emerged as if it had never did not leave .
What causes this to happen? Change of heart?
Quite simply, we do not know exactly how this sudden shift occurs or even when such a change will occur. We know they exist and they can and do happen. Sudden shifts in awareness can occur in any area of human life that is related to our feelings. Remember when you were very young you probably believed in fairies or fairy tale characters or perhaps in a more personalized manifestation like a monster. At some point you realize that what was real to you no longer exists as part of your reality. What was it that made you realize that these things were no longer real and that they or it only existed in your own mind? Why, at that particular time did this new level of understanding occur? Most of us go through these transitions in life. The fictional characters that seem real when we are young are predictable variables but change drastically as our consciousness changes. Humans have moments of autonomy, if only fleeting. Acquiring the ability to achieve greater periods of sustained self-sufficiency is desirable because it enables you to become a whole person and flourish.
Change occurs when we look at the same information or scenario in a new way that produces another insight or understanding.
Our ultimate concern or simply put our goal whether it is change or continuity or not, which dictates our control of life and consequently our happiness. This ultimate concern determines other values, beliefs, associated goals, feelings, and actions.
When we make other people’s approval our ultimate concern, we make them our dominant force. We give up control of our lives and happiness. Seek your own approval not theirs. Let everyone have primary responsibility for their own happiness. “End” with confusing “means”. It’s not that financial or career success can’t contribute to happiness. They can certainly contribute. But if someone does them means for their happiness the end goal, then they become so focused on the means that they lose sight of the goal the end happiness
We don’t have an ultimate concern, because most of us are too diverse or disorganized or confused to devote ourselves to what is or may be our most important value. We all adhere to a variety of valued concerns that constantly interact with each other sometimes in conflict with our knowledge and at other times are simply not considered.
We have internal conflicts between our desires for success, love, friendship, security, fun and satisfaction. Lack of integration into our higher values underlies much of our regular confusion and anxiety.
Some people fear that if they make their own happiness the primary goal in life, they will become too self-indulgent. Happiness is perhaps the only human condition that measures our overall physical and mental well-being. It is the result of coordination between our internal parts. We cannot deny important parts of ourselves and be completely happy. Happiness and love go hand in hand. Loving someone means we value their happiness. When we feel love, we feel happy, even if the love is for an object, an activity, or a person.
Responsibility follows control, so it follows that we have the greatest responsibility for our own happiness.
Why should someone else be more responsible for my happiness than I am—or vice versa?
Have you ever been in a situation where no one will say what they really want and people are trying to make sure they please the other person? For example, when trying to decide which restaurant to go to, one says,
“Where do you want to eat?”
“I don’t care; what do you want to eat?”
This goes on until both men are completely frustrated. Isn’t it better if both of them consider the other’s wishes and say what they want?
How do you feel about other people being primarily responsible for your happiness?
How happy would you be if you sacrificed what you want so you can give it to someone else?
Do you enjoy doing something more because you think you “should” or because you think it will make you happy?
Happiness is a moment-to-moment choice that each of us makes. We must first be happy and then commit to that choice without changing anything in your life except your relationship with your own thoughts. Don’t confuse the promise of happiness with a way to make life better in any way. It may seem strange at first, but I’m sure you can recall changes in your circumstances that didn’t lead to improved levels of happiness. Earning extra money, solving a problem, achieving qualifications does not produce happiness. Happiness exists independently of your circumstances. Happiness is a feeling you can learn to live with.
Everything in your life is a result of how you relate to your thoughts. Commitment is an obligation and makes change much easier by removing uncertainty and anxiety and provides the freedom to let go of worries because it instills hope. Success in any venture is difficult without commitment. Whether you diet, quit smoking, study, start a project, or decide to be happy, commitment is an important step. There are many things in life that are out of your control. External circumstances touch us all, illnesses, accidents, other people’s reactions and their choices, all affect us. Despite all this you can make a choice to be unconditionally happy regardless of what happens. Associating happiness with an outcome will create the same mental process with each specific outcome. Believing that happiness will come when you are married, for example, leads to being happy after you have children, which creates new conditions to create a new desire for happiness after achieving the goal. For example, perhaps, when your children go through certain life stages like dreaded two/primary nursery/primary/secondary/sixth form/university/have a job/leave home/married, happiness will develop and then you will grow. You will be happy if you have enough money to meet the needs of the family. Believing that solving our problems or improving our relationships will create satisfaction, however, means that our happiness must be postponed until some time in the future when the prerequisites are met. You may believe that you will reach a place one day, happiness but without the decision to be happy it will not last. There is no way to be happy if you commit to a decision.
Your commitment to happiness is what should make you let go of all preconditions. No matter how difficult it may seem, learn and practice the mental processes that will lead to happiness. Being happy isn’t always easy. It can be a big challenge in life. Grow up and take responsibility for your own happiness – right now. Understanding is the common sense of knowing something here and now and our experience of life comes from within and not from without.
You can’t teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo
Focus on what you have and not what you may lack. Commitment is the first step in bringing the future into the present.
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