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How to Build My Self Esteem After My Husband Cheated on Me
Since I often write about healing after an affair, I am asked very often about how to restore or rebuild a wife’s self esteem after infidelity. The truth is, even if and when a wife has forgiven her husband or wants to move on, the hit to her self esteem can keep this from happening. It can be hard to believe your husband genuinely loves / desires you and won’t cheat again when you deep down don’t believe this yourself as you might fear there is something wrong with you or that your husband had an affair because of something the mistress or other woman had that you didn’t. This article will give you some facts, tips, and information that is meant to help educate you about affairs, why they happen, why it’s not at all your fault, and how you can rebuild your self esteem following it.
Your Husband’s Affair Was Not Your Fault And The Mistress Or Other Woman Doesn’t Have Anything That You Don’t Have: Although I’m sure at one point you may hear your husband say that the affair happened because he felt there was something in the marriage he wasn’t getting, the truth is there are millions of men who have frustrations and who don’t cheat on their wives.
Husbands who cheat, for whatever reason, have had poor impulse control and decision making and the blame for this is entirely on their own shoulders.
With that said, it may help to know that well over 75% of husband’s who cheat say that they did so for emotional and not physical reasons. It’s so common to believe that an affair is all about sex, but most times it really isn’t. It’s about the husband feeling bad about himself and his own self worth and trying to recapture something he feels has been lost outside of his marriage.
And, you should know that only 12% of men who have cheated felt the other woman was prettier than their wives. Almost 80% of men who cheat are “extremely sorry” that the affair happened.
So statistically speaking, it’s very likely that your husband finds you more attractive than this “other woman” and deeply regrets her place in your life.
Restore Your Self Esteem After An Affair By Focusing On Your Own Self Care And Whatever It Is That Makes You Happy: It’s so easy to allow an affair to seep any bit of the happiness that you have in your daily life. Life sort of stands still for a while after the affair happens. I remember after my husband’s own affair that it was an effort for me to even get out of bed. Some days, I would realize somewhere around noon that I haven’t even showered or dressed.
While this behavior is completely understandable, it does nothing for your self esteem or your self worth. Although you may not feel like it, it’s so important to take care of yourself and do what makes you happy. Now is the perfect time to do all of those things you’ve been putting off or to stop neglecting yourself, your own needs, and those things that make you happy. Take up old hobbies. See friends. Get that facial or highlights you’ve been wanting. Do whatever it takes to put a smile on your face. Not only will you feel better, but this will demonstrate to yourself and your husband that you are a vital, worthwhile woman who loves herself enough to get moving.
As Hard As It May Be, Focus On Intimacy And Trust When You Are Ready: Always remember that you are the same person that your husband once feel deeply and head over heals in love with. Yes, the circumstances may have changed and there’s no denying he made an unfortunate choice, but once upon a time when your husband had no reason to lie or fake it, you made his heart soar.
Understand that you are a very desirable woman no matter what has happened in recent days. Whether you still want your husband or you end up with someone else, one day you will have to restore trust and intimacy with a man again. The affair may make this difficult, but here is the catch 22. In order to feel truly intimate with a man, you must trust him. You can’t do this if deep down you have doubts about his true feelings and loyalty. The best way to banish these doubts is to, when you are ready, dive in first with one toe and eventually with your whole open heart.
Yes, this will make you feel vulnerable at first, but here’s the truth. Your self esteem will be restored when you experience deep and lasting intimacy that can not be faked or manufactured. It helped me to educate myself on intimacy and sexuality. I learned several things that I wasn’t doing in my marriage that ignited serious and very genuine sparks and fireworks when I did. I no longer worry that my husband will cheat again. He’s very happy at home.
It may be a while before you are ready for this, but be patient. You will know it when you feel it and when you do, I doubt very much you’ll be thinking about your self esteem at that time.
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